Presentation on theme: "Session 2 Clarity. Clarity Word choice Word choice Sentence structure Sentence structure Use of the active voice instead of the passive voice Use of the."— Presentation transcript:
1 Session 2 Clarity
2 Clarity Word choice Word choice Sentence structure Sentence structure Use of the active voice instead of the passive voice Use of the
active voice instead of the passive voice Parallelism Parallelism Use of transitional words Use of transitional words
3 Word Choice
4 Preferring Clear and
Familiar Words Use everyday, conversational words. Use everyday, conversational words. Strength of a single syllable: When you speak and write, no law says you have to use big words. Strength of a single syllable: When you speak and write, no law says you have to use big words. –Eleven words account for 25% of all spoken English, and all are monosyllabic I, you, the, a, to, is, it, that, of, and, in I, you, the, a, to, is, it, that, of, and, in
5 Omit superfluous words Words are superfluous when they can be replaced with fewer words that mean the same thing. Words are superfluous when they can be replaced with fewer words that mean the same thing. Sometimes you can use simpler words for these phrases: Sometimes you
can use simpler words for these phrases:
6 Superfluous vs. Simpler Words Superfluous Superfluous –in order to –in the event that –subsequent to –prior to –despite the fact that –because of the fact that, in light of Simple Simple
7 Sentence Structure
8 Sentence Clarity Why do we need to be concerned with sentence clarity? To communicate effectively to the reader To make writing persuasive To show
credibility and authority as a writer
9 Common clarity problems Misplaced modifiers Dangling modifiers Passive voice
10 Misplaced Modifiers Words or phrases that cause confusion because they are located within a sentence so far
away from the word(s) to which they refer Words or phrases that cause confusion because they are located within a sentence so far away from the word(s) to which they refer
11 Misplaced Modifiers
Consider the different meanings in the following sentences: Consider the different meanings in the following sentences: The dog under the tree bit Carrie. vs. vs. The dog bit Carrie under the tree.
12 Misplaced Modifiers Sometimes, misplaced modifiers are used for comic effect: Sometimes, misplaced modifiers are used for comic effect: The other day, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. -- Groucho Marx
13 How might you correct the following sentence? Jennifer called her
adorable kitten opening the can of tuna and filled the food bowl. Better:
14 How might you correct the following sentence? Portia rushed to the store loaded with cash to buy the birthday gift. Better:
15 Misplaced Modifiers Some one-word modifiers often cause confusion: Some one-word modifiers often cause confusion: almostjustnearlysimply almostjustnearlysimply evenhardlymerelyonly evenhardlymerelyonly
16 Explain the meaning of each sentence: Almost everyone in the class passed the calculus exam. Almost everyone in the class passed the calculus exam. Everyone in the class almost passed the calculus exam. Everyone in the class almost passed the calculus exam. Which sentence indicates that
everyone in the class failed the exam? Which sentence indicates that everyone in the class failed the exam?
17 Explain the meaning of each sentence: John nearly earned $100. John nearly earned $100. John earned nearly $100. John earned nearly $100. Which sentence indicates that John earned some money? Which
sentence indicates that John earned some money?
18 A dangling modifier
is… a word or phrase that modifies another word or phrase that has not been stated clearly within the sentence a word or phrase that modifies another word or phrase that has not been stated clearly within the sentence Often occurs at the beginning or end of a sentence Is often indicated by a participle, an infinitive or a prepositional phrase
19 Dangling modifiers Having finished dinner, the television was turned on.
20 How might you correct the following sentence? Playing solitaire
on the computer for three hours, Michael’s paper was not completed. Better:Better:
21 How might you correct the following sentence? Locked away in the old chest, Richard was surprised by the antique hats. Better:Better:
22 How might you correct the following sentence? To work as a loan officer, an education in financial planning is needed. Better:
23 The Effective Sentence Vary the
kinds of sentences. Vary the kinds of sentences. Vary the beginnings of your sentences. Vary the beginnings of your sentences. Vary the complications of sentences. Vary the complications of sentences. Combine sentences. Combine sentences.
24 Simple sentences Simple sentences Compound sentences Compound sentences Complex sentences Complex sentences Compound-complex sentences Compound-complex sentences Vary the kinds of sentences
25 Avoid long, obscure sentences, which: Avoid long, obscure sentences, which: –Are hard to read; –Are hard to write; –May contain more grammatical errors; and –May bury some ideas. Keep most sentences
short and simple. Keep most sentences short and simple. Avoid too many ideas in one paragraph. Avoid too many ideas in one paragraph. Vary the kinds of sentences
26 Vary sentence beginnings Begin with an adverb. Begin with an adverb. –Calmly, she listened to the sad news. Begin with an adjective. Begin
with an adjective. –Tall and handsome, he towered over them. Begin with an infinitive. Begin with an infinitive. –To tell the truth is often difficult.
27 Vary sentence beginnings Begin with a participial phrase. Begin with a participial phrase. –Tired from working, the farmer rested. Begin with a noun clause.
Begin with a noun clause. –How the prisoners escaped is a mystery. Begin with a direct object. Begin with a direct object. –His books he gave to the library.
28 Vary sentence beginnings Begin with “there.” Begin with “there.” –There is hope. Begin with an adverbial clause. Begin with an
adverbial clause. –Unless you tell the truth, we will not know what really happened. Begin with a prepositional phrase. Begin with a prepositional phrase. –After a few seconds, a man opened the door.
29 Vary sentence complication Complicate the subject. Complicate the subject. –Mary went along with the idea because this
particular bond seemed especially safe. –Mary, while basically opposed to the idea of a new bond for the bank, went along with the idea because this particular bond seemed especially safe.
30 Vary sentence complication Complicate the verb. Complicate the verb. –Vincent Rodriguez bought carefully, but
still he bought. –Vincent Rodriguez bought carefully, but only after much research into the commodities market. Still, he bought.
31 Vary sentence complication Complicate the direct object. Complicate the direct object. –A car is sometimes called an investment. –A car is sometimes called an investment, one that
few people ever make money on.
32 Combine sentences Why should we know about sentence combinations? Why should we know about sentence combinations? To build clarity To avoid wordiness To avoid redundancy Keys to combining sentences: Keys to combining sentences: Create adjectives Create properly
placed modifying clauses Eliminate unnecessary or repetitive phrases
33 Combine sentences Use an appositive phrase. Use an appositive phrase. –This place usually draws a large crowd on Sundays. It is a popular tourist spot. –This place, a popular tourist spot, usually draws a large crowd on Sundays.
Use a participle. Use a participle. –The boy refused to study. He felt dejected. –Feeling dejected, the boy refused to study.
34 Combine sentences Use a gerund. Use a gerund. –The man walked briskly around the park. He was in high spirits. –Walking briskly around the park lifted the
man’s spirits. Use a compound subject. Use a compound subject. –Ramon brought his books to school Anita brought her books to school, too. –Ramon and Anita brought their books to school.
35 Combine sentences Use a compound verb. Use a compound verb. –Marianne looked for her bag. She found it on top of the desk.
–Marianne looked for her bag and found it on top of the desk. Use a compound object. Use a compound object. –The students studied some interesting fossils. They studied their names, too. –The students studied some interesting fossils and their names, too.
36 Combine sentences Use an infinitive. Use an infinitive.
–The carpenters are here. They came to repair the leaking roof. –The carpenters are here to repair the leaking roof. Use a relative clause. Use a relative clause. –We need some helpers. They must be good workers. –We need some helpers who are good workers.
37 Combine sentences Use an adverbial clause.
Use an adverbial clause. –We visited our cousins. They felt depressed over what had happened. –Because our cousins felt depressed over what had happened, we visited them.
38 Consider the following paragraph: The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy is four years old, and he is feisty. The bike is
new, and it is a light blue color. The boy received the bike for his birthday. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike.
39 Combining Sentences The animal trainer dove into the pool. The trainer was skilled and athletic. She was excited when she dove into the pool. She swam
with two dolphins. The dolphins were babies. The dolphins were playful. The trainer swam with the dolphins for over an hour. When the trainer swam with the dolphins, she was happy.
40 Use of the active vs. the passive voice
41 Active Voice The subject-and-verb relationship is straightforward. The subject is a be-er or a do-er and the verb moves the sentence along. The executive committee approved the new policy.
42 Passive Voice The subject of the sentence is neither a do-er or a be-er, but is acted upon by some other agent or by something unnamed. The new policy was approved by the executive committee.
43
Use the Active Voice with Strong Verbs One of the quickest ways to ensure clarity is to use the active voice with strong verbs. One of the quickest ways to ensure clarity is to use the active voice with strong verbs. Strong verbs are guaranteed to liven up and tighten any sentence, virtually causing information to spring from the page. Strong verbs are guaranteed to liven up and tighten any sentence, virtually causing information to spring from the page.
44 Use the Active Voice To be more: To be more: –Specific –Personal –Concise –Emphatic The board decided to increase this year’s bonus. A decision was made to increase this year’s bonus.
45 Use the Passive Voice: When you want to stress the receiver of the action When you want to stress the receiver of the action –Your savings account is insured up to P500,000. –Only Robert was injured in the
accident; the remainder of the passengers were unhurt. When the agent of the action is unknown When the agent of the action is unknown –My cell phone was stolen last night. When the doer is not important in the sentence When the doer is not important in the sentence –The new students’ center was completed last week. //international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive///international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive/; //www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/passive-voice
46 Use the Passive Voice: When the agent of the action is obvious from the context When the agent of the action is obvious from the context –I was born on July 10, 1985. When you want to make generic statements,
announcements, and explanations: When you want to make generic statements, announcements, and explanations: –Rules were made to be broken. When you want to avoid personal, blunt accusations or commands When you want to avoid personal, blunt accusations or commands –The account was mishandled. //international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive///international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive/; //www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/passive-voice
47 Use the Passive Voice: When you want to connect ideas in different clauses more clearly When you want to connect ideas in different clauses
more clearly –The music was being played too loudly by the students, who were finally asked to turn it down. When you are writing in a scientific genre that traditionally relies on the passive voice When you are writing in a scientific genre that traditionally relies on the passive voice –The sodium hydroxide was dissolved in water. //international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive///international.ouc.bc.ca/chalkntalk/whypassive/;
//www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/style-and-editing/passive-voice
48 Passive Voice Indicates what is receiving the action rather than explaining who is
doing the action Two indicators: "to be" verb (e.g., is, are, was, were) + past participle of the verb "by ________” (optional)
49 Examples of the Passive Voice Mistakes were made. Mistakes were made. The cats have been brushed by Laura. The cats have been brushed by Laura.
50 Passive vs. Active Voice There is nothing inherently wrong with the passive voice, but if you can say the same thing in the active mode, do so. There is nothing inherently wrong with the passive voice, but if you can say the same thing in the active mode, do so. The worst offense of the passive voice is when business interests, government agencies or the military use the
passive voice to avoid responsibility for actions taken. The worst offense of the passive voice is when business interests, government agencies or the military use the passive voice to avoid responsibility for actions taken.
51 Passive vs. Active Voice "Cigarette ads have been designed to appeal especially to children" places the burden on the ads — as
opposed to, "We have designed the cigarette ads to appeal especially to children," in which "we" accepts responsibility.
52 How might you improve the following sentence? The decision that was reached by the committee was to postpone the vote. Better:Best:
53 How might you improve the following sentence? The disk drive of the computer was damaged by the electrical surge. Better:Best:
54 Parallelism
55 Parallel Construction Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method, while now the laboratory method is employed. Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method; now it is taught by the laboratory method.
56 Keep Your Sentence Parallel Parallelism reinforces grammatically equal elements, contributes to ease in reading, and provides clarity and rhythm. Parallelism reinforces grammatically equal elements, contributes to ease in reading, and
provides clarity and rhythm. –If you want to buy shares in Fund X by mail, fill out and sign the Account Application form, making your check payable to “The X Fund,” and put your social security or taxpayer identification number on your check.
57 Parallelism and Correlative Expressions Correlative expressions (both, and; not, but; not only, but also; either, or; first, second, third; and the like) should be followed by
the same grammatical construction. Many violations of this rule can be corrected by rearranging the sentence.
58 It was both a long ceremony and very tedious. My objections are first, the injustice of the measure; second, that it is unconstitutional.
59 Parallelism Exercise Raul's motivation to succeed in this program seems to be greater than his sister. Raul's motivation to succeed in this program seems to be greater than his sister. Espinoza's style was remarkable for its dexterity, grace, and she could play any position.
Espinoza's style was remarkable for its dexterity, grace, and she could play any position. Either you will begin to study now or risk failing the exam. Either you will begin to study now or risk failing the exam.
60 Transitional Words
61 Using transitional words and phrases helps papers read more smoothly Using transitional words and phrases helps papers read more smoothly Transitions
indicate relations, whether from sentence to sentence or from paragraph to paragraph. Transitions indicate relations, whether from sentence to sentence or from paragraph to paragraph.
62 Examples of Transitional Words Addition: Addition: –also, besides, furthermore, in addition, moreover, again Consequence: Consequence: –accordingly, as a result, consequently, hence,
otherwise, so then, therefore, thus, thereupon Summarizing: Summarizing: –after all, all in all, all things considered, briefly, by and large, in any case, in any event, in brief, in conclusion, on the whole, in short, in summary, in the final analysis, in the long run, on balance, to sum up, to summarize, finally
63 Examples of Transitional Words
Generalizing: Generalizing: –as a rule, as usual, for the most part, generally, generally speaking, ordinarily, usually Restatement: Restatement: –in essence, in other words, namely, that is, that is to say, in short, in brief, to put it differently Contrast and Comparison: Contrast and Comparison: –contrast, by the same token, conversely, instead, likewise, on one hand, on the other hand, on the contrary, rather, similarly, yet, but, however, still, nevertheless, in contrast
64 Examples of Transitional Words Sequence: Sequence: –at first, first of all, to begin with, in the first place, at the same time, for now, for the time being, the next step, in time, in turn, later on, meanwhile, next, then, soon, the meantime, later, while, earlier, simultaneously, afterward, in conclusion Diversion: Diversion: –by the way, incidentally Illustration: Illustration: –for example, for instance, for one thing
65 Examples of Transitional Words Similarity: Similarity: –likewise, similarly, moreover Direction: Direction: –here, there, over there, beyond, nearly, opposite, under,
above, to the left, to the right, in the distance